How not to be “THAT” guy at the bash.
I first heard about Well Rounded BBW a little over a year ago. I first went to the 2014 bash with my now former business partner as a vendor. We got weekend passes and in that short time we were sold and made plans to be at the 2015 bash. It is amazing what can happen in a year, I didn’t think back then I would go to the bash, alone. I debated many times about going back to Well Rounded, by my lonesome. Nevertheless a week prior to the Well Rounded 2015 I made the decision to go and force myself to network and make some new friends. I could always use new friends, right?
Being as shy as I am, going to such an event such as Well Rounded is scary and intimidating, to say the least. It can be overwhelming in so many ways. Nevertheless, I decided to take a plunge and go anyway, fight off my shy tendencies and be a part of something wonderful.
Well Rounded was a great event! I had an amazing time and I made some amazing new friends. However, something jumped out at me very quickly. There were many, many men that gave off the “creeper” vibe. Some of these guys even made me a little uncomfortable to say the least and that is saying a lot. After witnessing this I decided to ask some of the female attendees what men can do to not to give off such a vibe.
Below are a few of the answers I discovered. I for one am certainly glad I asked cause if I didn’t I might have given off this vibe and not even known it.
Please read what is written below very carefully and keep it in mind next time you go to a bash.
#1 SAY HI
Far too many of us float around these bashes maybe with a drink in hand either walking around or standing somewhere. Not saying a word as people walk around or by us. Sometimes we walk from room to room never speaking to a soul watching other bashers like a TV show or wondering why we are alone in a room full of people.
Do this instead: Guys, its simple say “Hi” to the people around you if the person you said “Hi” is not receptive move away. Don’t just stand there thinking she is going to change her mind. Move on to someone else and say Hello and take the conversation from there. It’s simple as that. You cannot meet someone new without saying “Hi” at some point.
#2 DON’T STARE
One of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world is an unwanted stare from someone you don’t know. As humans we know when someone is staring at us. It’s a survival instant going back to the days when we still hunted and gathered food. It triggers our fight or flight instinct. This is something you don’t want to trigger in someone you are interested in especially before you say one word to them.
Do This Instead: Guys if you’re staring so hard at her that you could drill holes in her with your irises, you better go up and say Hello and thank her for being so beautiful. Well maybe not the latter but at least follow Rule 1 and say “Hi.” The longer you stare the more uncomfortable she will be when you approach her, if you ever do.
#3 IT IS WHAT IT IS
Here is the scenario…
You have been chatting up a lady for a while or maybe a few minutes. You take her to the dance floor for a dance or perhaps you get her a drink. The dance is over or the ice in the drink melted away completely and you got nothing left in the cup but warm alcohol. You think you are going to move the evening further to her room or go somewhere else and hang out, whatever the case might be. However she thanks you for the dance and/or drinks and leaves without you.
Do This Instead: Keep in mind unless you get a CLEAR signal. Don’t assume that a dance or drinks will lead to her hand in marriage or her taking you to her room. It’s best NEVER to assume anything beyond “IT IS WHAT IT IS”. Drinks are drinks and a dance is that just a dance. Move on after the moment has passed. If she wants you to stay she will let you know. Live in that moment and enjoy it for however long it lasts.
Be active in the various events that are held at the bashes. Be willing to be involved in the events and PLEASE speak to people. Often times the “creepy” vibe comes from standing around a group of people and not speaking a word. Bashes are social events nobody expects you to say something profound, expect for “hello” followed by a “How are you?
#5 Being “clingy”
I saw this situation more than a few times at Well Rounded. There will be a few girls in a group drinking, dancing or just sitting together talking. Then there is a guy standing a foot maybe two feet away from them, drink in hand looking at the group or looking around the room. He looks like he might be with them but he really isn’t. Typically, there is one girl of the group that he has taken a shine to and follows her around like a lost puppy. It’s a sad sight when the guy leaves to get some drinks or go to the bathroom. The group may or may not make bad comments about him or talk about how “clingy” he is being.
Do This Instead: Guys, this is where reading body language is key. Are her arms are folded or is she oriented away from you? Are her shoulders facing away from you or does she keeps you at a long distance? When she is seated are her legs folded to you or away from you? These are maybe not so subtle signals that she might not want you around but she doesn’t want to tell you outright. Get the hint and move away.
#6 Sending Gifts
I am not sure how this happens but some of the ladies mentioned that they would receive unsolicited gifts from people. Almost always the receiver’s reaction is one at best uneasiness of downright fear of their personal safety.
Do This Instead: Unless you have an intimate relationship with the receiver simply don’t send a gift. The most you should do is leave a voicemail. No more than one maybe two. If she doesn’t respond, the best thing you can do is let it go and move on.
I would like to go to more BBW bashes in the future and I would like to see more ladies attend these events. I hope that we can remove this “creeper” mentality and create an even more welcoming environment for ladies to attend. It’s difficult enough for women to believe that such events like these exist let alone to attend them. If we have more men than can follow a few simple rules of etiquette we can create a much better experience for everyone.
Hope this helps all of you.